On Your Own Cocker

‘ You have to break a leg to get a laugh out of this family!’

This was one of mums famous sayings.

The irony was that if anyone was likely to break a leg, trip over, sink in mud, fall off a chair, or somehow find themselves at the centre of an unexpected disaster it was her!

Mum had a knack for turning ordinary family occasions into comedy shows without even trying. She would always laugh along with everyone too!!

Looking back now I realise these memories were gifts.

The Christmas she had us all covered in cream, then walks in a very good friend of my mum’s with a very lovely guest! There was mum pretending the cream didn’t exist whilst trying to wipe it from around her face and hair. We were later named ‘the crazy family’ I don’t know if she was ever impressed with that title but she owned it like she loved it!

There was the ups and downs with animals throughout the years. Dad was a huge animal enthusiast so he was always coming home with some animal. Mum would always be dragged to horse shows, which she hated and asked to lend a hand. There was one time she was hid under a coat trying to eat sandwiches in peace from the pony. The pony was tied up and not within reach haha!

The birth of my son Cooper, when the midwife asked if I’d like to do skin to skin contact. Within seconds my mum had taken off her top and sat down waiting for him to be placed on her! I was highly amused, I don’t think my ex husband was though!

When people hear the word alzhiemers or dementia, they often think about the illness, they think about the memory loss, confusion, and all the heart breaking things the disease eventually brings.

But before that there was mum….

A woman who made people laugh.

A woman who filled a room with her personality.

A woman who became the centre of attention without even trying.

A woman that loved her family so deeply, we still feel her love today.

For 6 years alzhiemer’s slowly took pieces of her away. It arrived quietly at first, almost a family joke that she would get all the grandchildren mixed up. Then little by little it began stealing the things that made her my mum.

The hardest part wasn’t watching her forget things.

The hardest part was watching the world slowly forget who she had been before the illness.

Mary Duxbury was NOT alzhiemer’s, she was my MUM!

The woman who could make an entire room laugh.

The woman who never failed to find herself in some sort of mishap.

When I remember her now, i try not to focus on the disease.

I remember the laughter.

I remember the stories.

I remember the chaos.

And I remember the woman who loved her family so fiercely, who doted on her grandchildren, who made a house a home, put a smile on anyone’s face and used that Irish charm whenever she needed too!

And this is who she will always be….my mum!