On Your Own Cocker

When people die, especially when we love them deeply, it’s easy for their final chapter to become the story we tell most often.

The illness.

The hospital visits.

The phone calls.

The funeral.

The grief.

But before mum and dad became the people I lost, they were the people who taught me how to live.

Mum and dad adored their grandchildren. Family wasn’t just important to them, it was everything. Our home was always full of people, laughter and conversations.

Mum loved nothing more than gathering family and friends together. Christmas was mum’s favourite time of year and she made sure it was always special. The house would be full of food, presents, noise, decorations and love.

They were both incredibly house proud, maybe more mum than dad! They worked hard all their lives and took pride in everything they did. Neither of them expected anything to be handed to them. If something needed doing, they got on and did it.

Mum spent much of her working life, working full time whilst caring for her disabled brother who had Multiple Sclerosis. Looking back now, caring wasn’t just something she did, it was who she was. Eventually all of us joined her in caring for Uncle Ivan. She showed us that looking after the people you love isn’t a burden, it’s a privilege

One of my favourite things about mum and dad was how welcoming they were. It didn’t matter who you were, where you came from or what was happening in your life. If you needed help, they would do what they could. Our door was always open and nobody ever left feeling unwelcome.

Their own love story was one of those strange twists of fate. They both lived in the same town, yet somehow met on the Isle of Man. From that moment on they built a life together through hard work, commitment and unconditional love.

Mum enjoyed a whisky, dad didn’t drink after suffering a heart attack when I was 3 years old. Somehow that summed them up perfectly. Different in many ways, yet completely devoted to each other.

Dad was a hard working man. I believe he would of never retired if mum had not of become poorly. He believed in working hard, providing for his family and keeping busy.

It was simply who he was.

As parents they were always supportive. They loved us unconditionally. Even when we made mistakes, even when life became difficult, we always knew they were in our corner. This is how I know how truly lucky we were, to have had that feeling of security all our lives makes us the luckiest children.

The greatest inheritance they left me wasn’t money, property or possessions.

It was values!

Mum taught me how to cook from scratch. She taught me that feeding people is one of the purest ways to show love.

Dad taught me how to turn my hand to anything. More importantly he taught me not to be afraid of learning something new.

Together they taught me that strength comes from within.

They taught me that love is free.

They taught me never to look down on someone unless I was helping them up.

And whenever I was angry or upset dad would always say ‘Never let anger rule your next move’. It’s advice I’ve carried with me always.

People often ask what mum and dad were like….

Truth is they were ordinary people who lived extraordinary lives, through kindness, hard work, loyalty and love.

And long before they became the people I lost, they became the people who shaped the way I am today.